Monday, January 11, 2010

the fourth

Today is the fourth anniversary of my sister's death. We let off balloons and shared memories tonight. The WHOLE lot of us. Mom, Dad, Sweetie, Middle and Mini Mann..also, me. It was good to be together this year for the first time since the first year. It's strange to me how each year's remembrance has been different and unique. We all watched the balloons float away into the sky until we couldn't see them anymore. It was really cold outside, so most everyone went in when the sight of them was lost. My dad hung back with me as I shared some secret memories and thoughts with the cold night air...and him. It was a special thing to share with him. Someday, I'll remember that moment when I remember him.

I miss you, Michelle. Still and again today like the first day.

The good news is that the grief cycle actually does a sweet thing over time. I didn't used to think that it would, but I'm encouraged having lived 4 years after she died that time really does make a difference. There is healing. The cycle moves much quicker to acceptance than it used to and it totally hangs out there too, for really long periods of time. And I still love her just as much and I still miss her. It just doesn't hurt inside like it used to.


  1. oh sugar, i'm sorry. anniversaries are hard. it sounds like you are dealing with it as well as can be expected.

    this year was the 20th anniversary of my dad's death. my sisters and i shared our best memories of him. it felt good to remember.


  2. Lisa (the girls' moma)January 18, 2010 at 6:50 PM

    I'm so proud of you.