Wednesday

Today is the wild and crazy second Wednesday of NaBloPoMo.

I've gotta say that this year's gotta be about the hardest on me to keep up with. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I post, but I seriously have so very little to say, it's just hard.

I got a call today, on my way to the gym, asking for my help at church tonight. I mixed sound for the youth band. It was a nice change of pace, but I really do miss that I didn't get a workout. The endorphins, I've found, have become a dear friend of mine. My brain has come to rely on the reality of relief that those chemicals provide to me. I so prefer the self-medication of endorphins to any other form of self-medication, including those silly little anti-depressants that I still find myself in need of.

Last week, while Middle Mann was in the hospital, I forgot to take my meds as I so often do when there's tons of stuff going on. I mentioned to a friend later in the week that sometimes it seems like it would be better to be diabetic than depressed. At least that way, it would be obvious to those around me when I forget my meds! This person indicated that probably wasn't a good idea; that he'd had a friend die because of that.

Fine. I'll stick with depression. Ugh!

something

It's crazy! Here it is, only the 2nd week of NaBloPoMo and I'm running out of steam. I'm sure it couldn't be that there's been a ton of stuff going on. It couldn't have anything to do with sleeping in weird places or awkward positions. It couldn't have anything to do with the lack of a real schedule since pretty much the beginning of the month.

I'm with Zoot! Writers block has set in!!

Days like these...

Some days, you'd think I actually have the world under my control. Things fall into place and questions aren't asked.

Today was NOT that sort of day. Work was STRESSFUL! Home was STRESSFUL! That whole other thing that's not at home anymore, but is sort of like an infection that you just can't kick? STRESSFUL!!!

Ugh! Today would be a perfect day to have one of those islands to escape to. I completely wanted to jump off today on more than one occassion.

Though, I suppose that without days like today, I'd probably appreciate Fridays a whole lot less.

Hooray! Friday is tomorrow!!!

NaBloPoMo

It's that time of year!! Hooray and let the pressure begin!

I'm soooper glad it's November 1st. Happy Blogiversary to me. This is the 3rd 11/1 I've spent in blogland and also the 3rd NaBloPoMo I've participated in. Right now, I'm planning on participating rather silently on the off chance that failure ensues, I'll only have myself to disappoint. My Lappy has kindly agreed to help me out in a new way; blue screening upon boot. gotta.love.it. NOT!

So, until I return to work on Wednesday, I'll be borrowing Sweetie's lappy to make my posts from.

I just feel like posting something today.

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal. You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk. You should major in: Philosophy Music Theology Art History Foreign language

What Should You Major In?

Your Vocabulary Score: B

You have a zealous love for the English language, and many find your vocabulary edifying. Don't fret that you didn't get every word right, your vocabulary can be easily ameliorated!

How's Your Vocabulary?

Your Mind is 61% Cluttered

Your mind is quite cluttered. And like most clutter, it's a bunch of crap you don't need. Try writing down your worst problems and fears. And then put them out of your mind for a while.

How Cluttered is Your Mind?

You Are Running on 82% Adrenaline

Your Adrenaline Level: Very Dangerous Life is passing you by so quickly, you hardly can notice what's going on. You definitely need to slow down before you crash hard!

Are You Running on Adrenaline?

Depending on your time zone...

There are exactly 5-6 days left of NaBloPoMo.

While I know it takes 3 weeks to create a new habit, I must say that the pressure to post every day has been rather difficult since my last trip. I think you've probably picked up on that by now.

It's not that there's nothing to say. I haven't even introduced you to two of my children. You don't know how Softie and I met. You don't know lots and lots of things.

Maybe once the pressure is off in a week, I'll let you in on more about those things. Or, maybe I'll use that little list I just created and post about those things the rest of this week.

I'll be headed out in tomorrow around noon for Tampa. I should be back later this week. Thursday or Friday depending on how things go. Hopefully, I'll come up with some good fodder while I'm gone. That'll spare you the quick pics of me.

hee hee hee

Forgiving myself

I was this over here and I couldn't resist the challenge.

1. I forgive myself for watching too much TV.
2. I forgive myself for sleeping every single chance I get and some chances that I just take.
3. I forgive myself for thinking my value is based on what I do.
4. I forgive myself for yelling at the boys before I figure out what's really going on.
5. I forgive myself for not folding my laundry as soon as it comes out of the dryer.
6. I forgive myself for not folding my laundry until after it's been washed again.
7. I forgive myself for not folding my laundry pretty much unless company is coming over, and sometimes, not even then.
8. I forgive myself for not cooking as much as my husband.
9. I forgive myself for hating that I have to take anti-depressants.
10. I forgive myself for not being big enough to solve all the problems I think I should.

DUDE! I need to post something!

I've been working on my Flickr account for more than an hour. There's so many different ways to organize your pics over there, I could stay busy for a week straight! Tags. Sets. Collections. Batch organize. Edit tags. Geomapping. How intricate should I be with this? I'm rather amused by all the options. It's making me feel oddly creative. So, come on over and check out some new sets I've put together. I'm not done by any means, but I didn't want the day the get away from me without my NaBloPoMo post for the day! :)

Last one...I think

You Are Not Stupid

You got 10/10 questions right! While acing this quiz doesn't prove you're a genius, you're at least pretty darn smart.

Are You Stupid?

interesting....I thought I'd score higher on this one.

I Am 30% Weird

Not enough to scare other people... But sometimes you scare yourself.

How Weird Are You?

I really like this one...

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you. Your near future is calm, relaxing, and pretty much what you want. And it's something you've been anticipating for a while now. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

We're doing good so far...

We're almost one week into NaBloPoMo and still going strong. I'm gonna be traveling tomorrow and I'll be out of town on business for a week. I'm really hoping that I don't lose track of a day and end up missing a post.

I know that the quiz from a little while ago is kind of cheating, so I'm throwing something else up just to not feel like I cheated today.

I have noticed that I've been posting more than once a day. I can't help but wonder why I've been able to come up with so much to say during the last week. Has it been particularly interesting around here? Not as far as I can tell. We always have lots of fun around here. And I really wasn't holding out good topics for November.

Maybe I'll be able to make a habit of it over the next three weeks.

my Blogiversary!

Today is my blogiversary. Last year I started blogging to participate in NaBloPoMo.

I blew it last year and failed to post one day and thought all hope was gone that I would keep going with the blogging. But I've made it a year, and what a year it has been!

When I look back over my writing, I can see in myself that having a place like this has helped me to grieve out loud, learn about myself, and connect with new people.

I'm much further down the road of grief than I ever thought I'd be. Last year, I never thought I'd be able to say that. I couldn't imagine a day that I wouldn't cry about her being gone. One more year removed, I can honestly say that it's been about 4 weeks since I cried about her absence in my daily life. Writing that down feels a little callous compared to how sad I was this time last year, but I know that it's not callousness but a wholeness. It's a wholeness that I didn't even realize was possible in the middle of the lowest parts of my grief.

It's kinda cool to be able to go back and see that.

I guess I'll write more tomorrow. I'll talk about what I've learned about myself. Stay tuned. I will make it this year.

I've signed up!

NaBloPoMo is coming up in November and it will mark my one year blogging anniversary. Sign up!!! (unless you've already done that because you're way cooler than me~you know who you are...)

Whew!

So, it's pretty late. I was over at my wonderful friend's house working with her technology. She's the bomb. It's so awesome to spend time with her. Even though she's a relatively new friend in my life, sometimes it freaks both of us out just exactly how much the same we are. I mean, who else admits to thinking things the way we do with each other. She is definitely a gift in my life! Just when I needed it!

Consequently, she's also the challenger for this little blogging endeavor. So, when I saw that it was 11:11 and realized that I only had 49 minutes to post today, we kicked it into high gear to make it home in time to post! I can't fall out of the competition only 3 days in. Although, I think it might suck just a little more if I make it through to the 27th or something and then miss a day! ARGH! That cannot happen!

Thank you my sweet friend, for your time and your technology!! And thank you God, for bringing her to me!!

something new

So, it's a new toy, this blog. I've been in and out all day long looking for comments or something. Funny thing, though...this is supposed to be a quiet, dark place for me to vent out the darkest places of my heart. I'm thinking, why would someone comment here? I'm probably hoping, more than anything, that no one will ever read this! But, then the voyeur in me perhaps hopes that someone will read. I've only told a couple of people that I've started this blog. Of course, one of them is my daughter. There goes the free-wheeling vent land I had so hoped for. NAH! She'll be okay with it...she knows me "inside and out" as she says.

the first pic!

~~ah HA~~accomplished do i feel~~

NaBloPoMo

So, I'm giving this a try...blogging. Maybe when I'm not working, I'll have more time to actually say something important or notable at least.