something for real

I think I'm avoiding something. I have no idea what it is, but I'm not able to pull up any feelings. The last couple of weeks have been so busy at work and at home. Does this business that I'm filled with somehow inhibit my feelings? And if it does, can I stay this busy forever!?

Maybe I'm avoiding feeling anything about the impending holiday(s). Maybe the fact that I'm calling it an 'impending' holiday should tell me something about it. Most of the world is referring to it as Christmas or Happy Happy Joy Joy Time. For me...impending...interesting, I say.

I know this about myself, when I'm really supposed to be doing something that's really important and probably going to cost me something, I tend to get really busy. It's a flurry that I think I create so that I can attempt to avoid the really scary thing that I'm trying to get away from.

I have learned in the last 32 years or so, that this process that happens somewhat automatically in my planning life, doesn't actually work. What it does do though is accomplish TONS of meaningless things. I also am able to fully engage the adrenalin that I love coursing through my viens. I become pretty critical of other people's short-comings.

Okay, at this point I need to say that I'm not actually speaking generally when I say that. I'm speaking specifically of the HIPAA nazi at work. She's ridiculously engaged in her job. In her haste, she sent out this little desktop reference that probably cost the company a load of money. She, unfortunately completely neglected to get at least one more set of eyes on that which she had created. DUDE! Throughout is not spelled THREW OUGHT!!! So, is my ability to see this among many many other similar errors of hers related to my business or my general distaste for her? hmm....I think I'll judge myself more about that later.

Hey, lookie there. I wrote a little. I think that tomorrow, I might make a list of things to get done before the 25th (D-Day - and I'm hoping to be on the right side of the battle). Then, maybe I'll be more able to direct my business instead of letting my business drive me to insanity.