Wednesday, March 7, 2007


Things in my head are swimming again. I really don't like the way this feels. I find it very difficult to put whole thoughts together when my brain starts misbehaving. Well, there's probably a few whole thoughts, just not very many that I want to let all the way out. Those whole thoughts interrupt the normaler thoughts that I want so badly to have control of.

It's like I'm living my life, plugging through the moments when all of a sudden, without warning, from NOWHERE, this undercurrent of streaming thought starts interrupting. Seriously! It's not comfortable. It does not encourage me in my quest to find wholeness in God that would be evidenced through demonstrate-able wholeness in myself. I wish I could make it stop, but I can't. Once one invasive thought starts creeping in, it seems that the floodgates for invasive thoughts is opened. I could not fall asleep last night because I was recycling those last moments of Michelle's life.

And today, truly! Nothing but a rotten gut. You know the kind that makes you wish that you had a bathroom at least a full mile away from ANYONE!? Yeah, it was that kind of day. Unfortunately, I don't ever seem to be more than 10 feet away from someone. Aren't I lucky! You can hear my stomach chewing on itself from that far away.

So, that's what's in my crazy brain~

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