Sunday, November 26, 2006

MySpace searching

I'm really new to the MySpace searching. I was looking around and trying things out, but I wasn't having much luck finding anyone that I knew. There was this one lady who is married to a dude I was in 9th grade with. My sister graduated with his brother. So, I invited her to be my friend. She promptly declined my offer (snob! except that I totally deny people I don't know too!) So, I invited her husband. I sent a little message that said, "Hey buddy, we were on the track team together in 9th grade, and your bro knew my sis...we should catch up!" We'll see. The request remains in my pending folder. At least it's not been denied!

In a desperate attempt to find more people that I know, I logged into Classmates as Beth Notgonnasay. Yeah, I'm're proud (it's okay, I'll keep it between you and me, I promise!!) Anyway, I came across some people I knew, so I searched them in MySpace and I actually found someone that I totally had a crush on in JH and 9th grade (which was high school for me) .

He died Memorial weekend this year. What's that about? And he married the daughter of the car dealer who we bought all of our cars from. And I can't find a dang thing that's related to her. My sister was friends with her older brother and we were in the same grade between 6th and 9th grades. She was way cooler than me, but I found out once I didn't go to that school anymore, that she wasn't nearly the snob I'd thought she was.

I did discover that he drowned while trying to save someone that was stuck in a dam. He was with his brother and they both died. I'm not sure if the dude they were trying to save lived, but I don't think he did. At least it was doing something good for the world, not just some deranged disease that took over his body.

He was a youth pastor at a church in Lombard Illinois.

Yeah, I've cried a few times today. I think the fact that the tears had already spilled about my sister made it even easier for me to be sad about his death. Sometimes I make myself crazy (not sure if you've noticed). How can I cry about someone that I haven't seen or really even thought about in like, 15 years? And why is it the only person who I actually was successful in finding (when I was actually looking to find someone I knew) was freaking dead?

Maybe I'm just getting old. Man, they were only married for like 18 months. I never would have put the two of them together, but how sweet to think that after years and years of watching each other grow up and being close, they finally decided to become husband and wife? I can only imagine the angst inside of her. I want to reach out to her and tell her something....I have no idea what...but I want her to know that there's got to be a purpose bigger than we could know. But everything I think to say is just the crap that people have said to me (sorry people). The canned shit that we think makes death hurt less. Saying the "right thing" doesn't make anything hurt less. And when it's this close to holidays and first's without and all these sucky reminders that I'm not ever going to get another minute with my sister alive, I guess hearing that someone else the I know, or knew has to feel the same hurt in their heart. To feel the guilt to be alive. To not want to take in the next breath...I'm there today. I'll take my meds tomorrow.

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