Do you ever just want to cry but no matter how bad you want it, it doesn't happen? Sometimes I know why this happens, but sometimes I don't. Today would be a day that I don't. Well, I sorta do, but I'm not digging the explanation very much.
My medication keeps me going through my days. It keeps me upright and living, but it also tends to take away some of the rawness of my feelings. When I say that, what I mean is that I can think things through easier when I'm on it, and it's at the right dosage. But when I maybe want to actually feel something about the things I think about, the crying is somehow blocked.
I even tried looking at pictures of my sister to create some precipitation...there was a bit of fog, but no real tears. I tried talking about money, but all that brought out was frustration and fear. Not really tears. Today, I want to cry. There's a lot in my heart. I don't think tears are very often the solution, but I'm thinking that it may help to alleviate the gigantic lump in my throat. Who knows, maybe I'm just getting Hunter's strep...maybe I don't really need a good cry after all.