So, I took a couple of days off from blogging. I've been trying to think of something profound that's not nearly as dark as I've been lately. But first, I think there's something I have to get off my chest.
I've been writing here for a month now. Well, actually today is the last day of the first month. I feel that I have not mentioned something that I think is pretty important. I mean, after all someone did die for me and I haven't even been kind enough, or appreciative enough, or even polite enough to mention that I appreciate it or noticed let alone that I even know it happened.
Here's the story...it all started a little more than 6000 years ago. There was this big guy; he was bored for a while. One day, he took notice of this little clump of matter and he was all, "Um, I wonder what that could be after some work?" So he started messing with it, shining some light on it, scooping out the dirt and making some pretty big puddles. He thought about a couple of options, and since he had the time, he worked both of them out. In the puddles he made it all full of plants and animals. He did the same thing where on the dirt parts.
There was a little plan brewing in the big guy's mind. He was thinking, "what about putting something like us down there." So the three of them got together and played Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide if the new things they were working up should go on the land or in the water. That's a rough game when 3 are playing. After much wrestling, the land won out.
These people were given charge over all the animals and plants on the land and in the water, and they only had one little rule to follow. Of course, it didn't take them very long at all to break the only rule they had. There's a really cool thing that happens here in the story though. Mr. Big makes a promise that he will take care of the fallout from them breaking the rule.
There was lots of hurdles to get there, but about 2000 years or so ago the Big Guy sent his son to the earth through this chick who was going to get married to this one guy. But the guy wasn't the dad. It was kinda twisted, but that's how it had to happen. Mr. J grew up and learned all about his Real Dad and made a ton of friends. He also had some enemies. After about 3 years of some heavy paparazzi coverage, he ended up on trial for nothing but a complete fabricatation. The media, being the way they are of course, killed him. He had something to show them though. He only stayed dead for like, 3 days. Then he was like, poof! ALIVE!
Anyway, he did leave the earth, but he said that he's doing something just for me. Well, I guess there's other people he's doing it for, but he says he would have done it all for just me if he would have needed to.
I think it's pretty important to mention that I'm really, really glad that the Trinity had this huge place in their heart for me. Sometimes, I can't even imagine why or begin to understand it. But that's the truth. God made the whole entirety of everything that is anywhere and everywhere and for some reason, he made me...on purpose, for his purpose. I hope that I don't disappoint him every single day, but I'm pretty sure that I probably do. He says that he'll love me anyway, as long as I acknowledge my complete need for him and love him back. I don't know if I love him back enough, but I'm trying. I sure want to. I don't want to hurt his heart.
I love you, Jesus. I know that I'm nothing and completely without value without you. Thank you for making this whole big plan without even having met me, and for giving up your life on account of me. Silly little me. Yes, that's right, I love Jesus and I'm not actually ashamed of that.
Yes, I struggle with a feeling of unworthiness. I'm working on that. I suppose I should work harder at not shutting God out of that work. I'm working on that, too.